“The come from needs to shift”

During this week’s episode of “Money In Your Life”, our conversation got us to the phrase “the ‘come-from’ needs to shift”. And that phrase encapsulated exactly what Brian (my co-host) and I and each of the guests we’ve had on the show since September has been talking about: when we shift where we each come from in thinking, acting, talking and being with money from reacting to or responding to external messages and “somebody else’s” definition of success, something cracks open and giving up “familiar discomfort” doesn’t sound as scary. Find a buddy or a coach – because this work is hard and, as a friend of mine says often “you shouldn’t go into your mind alone” – and see what happens when you shift your come from – over time.

Immunity to change

…what a great phrase this is. The work of Harvard Professors Kagan and Lahey on this topic is both thoughtful and helpful. How many times have you made a promise to yourself that “I’m going to _______” – whether it’s a New Year’s resolution, a promise right after you leave the doctor’s office or come home from a trip or catch your self once again doing something you know in your head is destructive or self-limiting, but momentarily it stops the chatter or makes you feel good or gives you a sense of relief. And that, right there, is it – “you know in your head…”. Our heads can get us in a lot of trouble – or not. Immunity to change is about REALLY listening to what that chatter is – without editing yourself and, most important – without judging. I was at a meeting last month and as one of the three participants rushed in late saying “I’m so sorry to be late, I hope…” – our natural response when we’ve kept people waiting, right? And she shared that one of her goals for 2014 was to be a better scheduler because she was always rushing from meeting to meeting. One suggestion? Schedule 15 minutes between meetings, reflect on the one you just had and shift gears to get ready to be in the next one. How does this relate to money? How many of you are aware of the story you carry around about money – and when was it written? Is it time to rewrite it? Part of becoming aware of an immunity to change is noticing where you ARE. As Lewis Carroll said “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.”